{"id":3837,"date":"2023-05-22T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-22T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/?p=3837"},"modified":"2022-12-17T14:56:17","modified_gmt":"2022-12-17T12:56:17","slug":"kapitola-69-zabavne-hlasky-profesora-josefa-humlera","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/citymeans\/city-means-i-mesto-plne-navratu\/kapitola-69-zabavne-hlasky-profesora-josefa-humlera","title":{"rendered":"Kapitola 69 – Z\u00e1bavn\u00e9 hl\u00e1\u0161ky profesora Josefa Humlera"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Z\u00e1v\u011brem n\u011bco na uvoln\u011bn\u00ed – n\u011bkter\u00e9 dal\u0161\u00ed v\u00fdroky profesora Josefa Humlera<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Mnoz\u00ed se m\u011b za dob<\/span> m\u00e9ho dlouhodob\u00e9ho p\u016fsoben\u00ed na mochnick\u00e9m gymn\u00e1ziu \u010dasto ptali, jak vlastn\u011b ta <\/span>chlapcod\u00edvka <\/i>vznikla. A j\u00e1 jim poka\u017ed\u00e9 odpov\u00edd\u00e1m: Inu, to bylo tak, \u017ee jsem se jednoho dne narodil sv\u00e9 mamince jako chlapec a babi\u010dka to okam\u017eit\u011b zhodnotila slovy: ,,To je ale p\u0159ekr\u00e1sn\u00e1 baculat\u00e1 d\u00edvenka.<\/span>\u201c Od t\u00e9 doby m\u00e1m jasno.<\/p>\n

Marto Vl\u00e1msk\u00e1, se sporem v l\u00e1sk\u00e1ch. J\u00e1 v\u00e1s tak \u0161\u00edlen\u011b miluji, \u017ee bych v\u00e1s samou l\u00e1skou nejrad\u011bji sn\u011bdl, jen m\u00e1m obavy, aby mi pak v b\u0159i\u0161e nezasko\u010dil v\u00e1\u0161 p\u0159\u00edtel.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lekenere, jestli v\u00e1m se poda\u0159\u00ed do t\u0159iceti o\u017eenit, tak p\u0159\u00edsah\u00e1m, \u017ee si nech\u00e1m prodlou\u017eit \u017eivot do sto pades\u00e1ti a p\u016fjdu v\u00e1m na svatbu za sv\u011bdka. Jestli se ale vd\u00e1te, tak to rad\u0161i co nejd\u0159\u00edv sn\u00edm sv\u00e9 kolo a vystroj\u00edm si vlastn\u00ed funus.<\/span><\/p>\n

Den, kdy jsme vstoupili do NATO<\/i>, si pamatuji velice dob\u0159e. To jsem na hodin\u011b t\u011blocviku ani jednou nezavelel <\/span>Tak jdem na to <\/i>a studenti z toho byli a\u017e do zvon\u011bn\u00ed <\/span>na pr\u00e1\u0161ky.<\/p>\n

Chardov\u00e1, kdo v\u00e1m dovolil p\u00e1lit t\u00edm gran\u00e1tem? Jasn\u011b jsem v\u00e1m u\u017e na za\u010d\u00e1tku \u0161koln\u00edho roku \u0159\u00edkal, \u017ee kdy\u017e zap\u00edsk\u00e1m na p\u00ed\u0161\u0165alku poprv\u00e9, tak je to jen z legrace.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ve sp\u00e1nku je mo\u017en\u00e9 v\u0161echno… dokonce i koketov\u00e1n\u00ed s Moronovou.<\/p>\n

Dob\u0159e si pamatuji<\/span> na dobu, kdy n\u00e1m v dom\u011b nefungoval v\u00fdtah a cel\u00fd bar\u00e1k se d\u00e1val kompletn\u011b do kupy. To jsem m\u00edsto n\u011bj pak pravideln\u011b vyu\u017e\u00edval dopravu m\u00edstn\u00ed fas\u00e1dnick\u00e9 organizace.<\/span><\/p>\n

Jednou se mi stalo, \u017ee m\u011b na ulici zastavil n\u011bjak\u00fd \u010dlov\u011bk s prosbou, kolik je hodin, tak jsem ho zcela v\u00e1\u017en\u011b odk\u00e1zal za profesorem Haufnerem, nebo\u0165 je matematik, s opodstatn\u011bn\u00edm: Co\u017epak j\u00e1, uboh\u00fd t\u011blocvik\u00e1\u0159, mohu v\u011bd\u011bt, kolik jich na sv\u011bt\u011b za dobu jejich existence ji\u017e vyrobili?<\/span><\/p>\n

Podzim pr\u00fd sv\u00e1d\u00ed k oslavn\u00fdm b\u00e1sn\u00edm, ver\u0161\u016fm a pot\u0159eb\u00e1m se druh\u00fdm otev\u0159\u00edt. J\u00e1 to bohu\u017eel dok\u00e1\u017eu vyj\u00e1d\u0159it pouze jedn\u00edm slovem: <\/span>kolo<\/i>.<\/p>\n

\u0158\u00edk\u00e1 se, \u017ee co se v ml\u00e1d\u00ed nau\u010d\u00ed\u0161, to ve st\u00e1\u0159\u00ed hned zapomene\u0161. Plat\u00ed to i o mn\u011b<\/span>, a to tehdy, kdy\u017e se do hospody vyprav\u00edm na jedno pivo <\/i>a m\u00edsto n\u011bj si poru\u010d\u00edm jedno <\/span>pito<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Profesor \u0160troch mi k \u0161edes\u00e1t\u00fdm narozenin\u00e1m p\u0159inesl jako d\u00e1rek kameru a j\u00e1 ji na dovolen\u00e9 u mo\u0159e okam\u017eit\u011b vyu\u017eil k nat\u00e1\u010den\u00ed p\u00e1rov\u00e1n\u00ed <\/span>chlapcod\u00edvek<\/i>. Moje man\u017eelka to nesla dost nelib\u011b, podle grimasy v jej\u00edm obli\u010deji mi bylo automaticky od po\u010d\u00e1tku jasn\u00e9, \u017ee \u0161\u00edl\u00ed z toho, \u017ee jsou v\u0161echny hez\u010d\u00ed ne\u017e ona, bez ohledu na pohlav\u00ed.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Kdo jin\u00e9mu j\u00e1mu kop\u00e1, s\u00e1m do n\u00ed nepad\u00e1, jen ji prost\u011b obejde. Tak to po celou dobu na na\u0161em u\u010dili\u0161ti d\u011bl\u00e1m j\u00e1 a hoular odnaproti se mnou nic nezm\u016f\u017ee. Tuhle jsem ho zrovna potkal a p\u0159ekvapilo m\u011b, \u017ee se na m\u011b usm\u00e1l. Bu\u010fto byl pod vlivem ti\u0161\u00edc\u00edch l\u00e9k\u016f, nebo z toho fale\u0161n\u00e9ho kv\u00edlen\u00ed sv\u00fdch sv\u011b\u0159enc\u016f u\u017e nadobro oslepl. Inu, zapom\u00ednat je lidsk\u00e9.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mysl\u00edm, \u017ee na sv\u011bt\u011b je plno lid\u00ed s p\u0159\u00edjmen\u00edm <\/span>Humler<\/i>. J\u00e1 jsem z nich v\u0161ak jedin\u00fd, kdo je\u0161t\u011b nevyslovil v\u00fdraz <\/span>himl<\/i>. Hergot… a je to venku.<\/p>\n

V\u00edte, jak se pozn\u00e1 opravdu dobr\u00fd po\u010d\u00edta\u010dov\u00fd expert? Ne? J\u00e1 ano. Prost\u011b p\u0159ijde do t\u0159\u00eddy a jeho prvn\u00ed a z\u00e1rove\u0148 posledn\u00ed v\u011bta zn\u00ed: Tak to je pro dne\u0161ek v\u0161echno, v tom sam\u00e9m budeme pokra\u010dovat zas p\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u011b. A pak odejde.<\/span><\/p>\n

Man\u017eelka m\u011b poka\u017ed\u00e9 dok\u00e1\u017ee \u0161\u00edlen\u011b vyto\u010dit, kdy\u017e po mn\u011b chce, abych s n\u00ed jel ka\u017ed\u00e9 l\u00e9to stanovat k vod\u011b. A j\u00e1 v\u017edy oponuju: Jo, to tak, n\u011bkde m\u011b tam p\u00edchne kom\u00e1r a zhubnu o t\u0159icet kilo. To tak.<\/span><\/p>\n

M\u016fj doktor je ze m\u011b \u010d\u00edm d\u00e1l v\u00edc zoufal\u00fd. Pr\u00fd mu d\u011bl\u00e1 starosti moje v\u00e1ha. No<\/span>, a co j\u00e1 s t\u00edm? Nut\u00edm ho j\u00e1 snad tloustnout?<\/p>\n

Sv\u00fdm student\u016fm v\u017edy p\u0159i hodin\u011b suplovan\u00e9ho zem\u011bpisu vtlouk\u00e1m do hlavy, \u017ee ji\u017e sta\u0159\u00ed <\/span>Egyp\u0165an\u00e9 \u0159\u00edk\u00e1vali, \u017ee zapom\u00ednati je lidsk\u00e9, tak a\u0165 si z toho, kdy\u017e n\u011bco z l\u00e1tky n\u00e1hodou nev\u011bd\u00ed, nic ned\u011blaj\u00ed. \u017d\u00e1dost\u00ed o prezentaci vlastn\u00edho \u017eivota v amazonsk\u00fdch pralesech tak nezadr\u017eiteln\u011b p\u0159ib\u00fdv\u00e1.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nev\u00edte n\u00e1hodou kam se pod\u011bla <\/span>chlapcod\u00edvka <\/i>Meteln\u00edk? Nevid\u00edm ji ani na startu, ani na trase, ani v c\u00edli.<\/p>\n

Tak m\u011b napadlo, Kolod\u011bjov\u00e1. Necht\u011bla byste m\u00edsto MATFYZU zkusit studovat ZEMTEL? Pr\u016fpravu v zem\u011bpisu a t\u011blocviku m\u00e1te celkem dobrou.<\/span><\/p>\n

Pozor hl\u00e1\u0161en\u00ed: Zved\u00e1 se v\u00edtr, zved\u00e1 se v\u00edtr, Lavordov\u00e1 m\u00e1 fofrn\u00edk<\/i>! Pozor na to!<\/p>\n

Na sv\u016fj v\u011bk a p\u0159i sv\u00e9 tlou\u0161\u0165ce jsem ve v\u00fdmyc\u00edch st\u00e1le dobr\u00fd. H\u016f\u0159 na tom jsem v zamyk\u00e1n\u00ed a odmyk\u00e1n\u00ed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Pozor na studenta Nepometla! Sice spr\u00e1vn\u011b v\u011bt\u0159\u00ed, v\u011bt\u0159\u00ed, ale \u0161patn\u011b m\u011b\u0159\u00ed, m\u011b\u0159\u00ed!<\/span><\/p>\n

Zebernice Klemontov\u00e1, nesna\u017ete se mi namluvit, \u017ee tohle v ru\u0161tin\u011b znamen\u00e1 KONEC, kdy\u017e j\u00e1 to \u010dtu jako KUHEU.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Z\u00e1v\u011brem n\u011bco na uvoln\u011bn\u00ed – n\u011bkter\u00e9 dal\u0161\u00ed v\u00fdroky profesora Josefa Humlera Mnoz\u00ed se m\u011b za dob m\u00e9ho dlouhodob\u00e9ho p\u016fsoben\u00ed na mochnick\u00e9m gymn\u00e1ziu \u010dasto ptali, jak vlastn\u011b ta chlapcod\u00edvka vznikla. A j\u00e1 jim poka\u017ed\u00e9 odpov\u00edd\u00e1m: Inu, to bylo tak, \u017ee jsem … Cel\u00fd p\u0159\u00edsp\u011bvek →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-city-means-i-mesto-plne-navratu"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3837","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3837"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3837\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3869,"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3837\/revisions\/3869"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eldar.cz\/tompatrick\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}